Feeding the Neighborhood

I received the following inquiry and would like to share some ideas:

I have a question. Do you have any advice about dealing with snacks and meals for children’s friends during the summer? Let me explain. I have two sons that are 7 and 8. On our street there are 12 boys in that age group, (and that doesn’t include girls!) I like to give them inexpensive snacks during the summer, like bubble gum, Popsicles, popcorn, suckers, etc., and I also feed them lunch if they are at our house at lunchtime. However I have noticed that the numbers are growing and I’m feeding more and more children.

Some of the neighbors do the same thing, but others seem to be perfectly happy to have their children eat over and never reciprocate. I want to be charitable and kind to the children, but it’s getting to be time consuming and I find myself having negative feelings about it. I’m also having trouble explaining to my children why it is not appropriate to bring all the kids home for lunch or to go over to the neighbor’s house and ask for food.

I would really like to hear your opinion on this subject.


One thing must be born in mind: You have a growing challenge!

All things are best done in order, with moderation, and using a pattern that becomes comfortable to all participants. Otherwise you are going to be feeding the whole neighborhood and then some every day. And your resentment will grow and grow. Besides, there is no easy method to appropriately and completely be compensated by others for the food expenses of feeding their children (so don’t plan on it).

The best way to rein in a situation that has grown out of control is to immediately set parameters that best meet your needs. There are several creative ways to feel more in control and still enjoy the company of youngsters in your home during mealtime.


Set Up a Plan
How many days will you entertain youthful guests at your home? How many children will you feed? How will you ask the children to leave when you are having a lunch meal alone or when you are having a lunch meal with only certain children?


Explain the Challenge to Your Children
Children tend to repeat what you say, so it might not be useful to say, “This is a problem” or “I don’t like feeding so many kids.” So, you will need to put a positive spin on it such as, “We are going to initiate a new plan to have special picnic days with our friends” and "I've decided to serve snacks to friends on two special days each week."


Ask for Your Children’s Cooperation
During the next week, set the plan in place by informing every friend, shortly after they have arrived at your home, of your new plan. This avoids embarrassment when you have to tell them to leave later or tell them that you will not be serving lunch to playmates today (just as they notice you getting out the food).


Come Up With a Plan
There are several ways to make this new ways of serving food work. For example, you might have specific treat days and a weekly picnic. You could choose Mondays and Wednesdays for treats served at 10:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. Consider hosting a “feed the clan” picnic on Fridays with all comers welcome.

As an alternative, you might serve snacks whenever children request them, but not serve extra children at lunchtime. Once a month you could host a picnic at a local park where each invited child is to bring his own lunch.

Lunch “tickets” might be given out to one guest per each of your children on any given day. This way you will be only feeding twice the number of children you have. This idea has some negatives because then someone might have to leave without being fed. However, those who aren’t invited today might be promised a rain check ticket for another day.

Tell children when they first arrive in the morning that you will be having a backyard picnic today. Ask them if they would like to go back home and bring back a sack lunch so they can join you.


Teach Your Own Children About Mealtime Invitations
It is wise to encourage them to only accept a meal invitation if it is extended by the parents, they have called home, and have asked permission. Setting this example will help other families get the point quickly and politely without you making a major deal of the problem.

There are great advantages of having your children close at hand while they play. You can watch their interactions, correct mannerisms that are annoying or inappropriate, and you can nurture both your children and their playmates on good friendship habits. Sometimes, this means you will be inconvenienced by serving more at mealtime than you anticipated. The important skill is to be in control and to have set parameters that feel comfortable to you in your current situation.

I am sure that you can do what needs to be done to keep it a wonderful summer without the resentment or inconvenience you have accepted in the past!

©2010 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com