Organizing For A Better Family Reunion

Summertime is a great time for extended family gatherings and most of you have done this over and over again. I, too, have shared time with cousins, aunts and uncles, and even people I am surely related to but don’t know exactly how. My experiences have led me to believe that family reunions can be enhanced with several preparations.
It is important to realize that the coordinator of the reunion will have an easier time if he or she delegates much of activities to others. People love to help. They enjoy knowing what their specific responsibilities are and they usually come through in a wonderful, creative way when asked to do definite projects. Here are several projects to delegate that make for a more successful reunion.

Identity Chief
Have a system to identify everyone that will be attending the reunion. If using name tags, have new ones for each day because they will be lost, crumpled, and eaten by small children and pets. Also, make it easy to discover how all the attendees are related to everyone else. This might be accomplished with large posters showing the different family heads, their children and grandchildren. Such an outline will make it easier for newly discovered cousins to find out how they are related.

In addition, I have always liked a relationship chart that tells me that my daughter-in-law’s two nieces, for example, are my third cousins, twice removed, by marriage. Such a relationship chart is fun to peruse and makes it easy to feel connected. This chart is downloadable from genealogy.about.com/library/nrelationshipchart.htm.

A third fun project is posting large maps of the local state, country, or even world with stickers showing where families currently live. The stickers could be added before the reunion or put on as each family arrives. This pictorial association allows for fun discussions and helps family members that live close together become better acquainted.

Official Photographer
It is useful to have an official family reunion photographer who is responsible for taking photos of family groups. While casual photos are fun, the more formal family group pictures make for enduring memories. It is beneficial to take pictures of individual families, first cousins, brothers and sisters at all levels, and couples. The official family photographer would also be responsible for identifying the people in each photograph and sharing these photos via CD or internet so the family reunion memories are available for review.

Contact Coordinator
Reunions are a wonderful time to update the contact information of all attendees. Proper spelling of full names, home addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and correct birth dates make keeping accurate family information so much easier. The Contact Coordinator might make up a simple form for each family head to complete and submit. This information could then be printed and mailed to all family members.

In my own family a dedicated aunt has annually prepared contact information of all her parents' descendants. There are eight columns with each family head listed at the top of the column. Family members are listed in turn with their spouses, children, and contact information. This contact information has kept the extended family in contact with each other as it is convenient for us to do so because of her dedicated work. She asks, corrects, clarifies and then prepares the printed information on two sides of a single sheet for sharing after the get-together. It makes for great family reunions because we are more familiar with each others' names, childrens' names, and where we all live.

Program Planner
Family reunions are a great time for attendees to remember their progenitors. A Program Planner coordinates a short, fun program to help everyone understand the background, history, and stories attached to these people. Large photos are helpful as well as costumes and short skits. This can supplement the fun talent segments that are usually included in evening programs so the younger generation can appreciate their ancestors’ lives. At the end of this program, ethnic desserts are an easy way to introduce family foods. My husband’s ancestors are from Sweden, for example, and so desserts native to that country prove to be a popular with our children when the extended family gathers together.

Reunion Secretary
If possible, it is very useful for the family reunion coordinator to have an assistant that takes care of all the paperwork, is in charge to make sure that communications are happening with all attendees, and just works through the menial, but important details. This also gives the coordinator someone to counsel with as decisions are made through the planning process.

Reunion Treasurer
The final, essential element to a successful reunion is a kind and reliable family member who handles the funding of the reunion. This person is solely responsible to make sure that everyone pays up on the camping ground fees, the large group meals, and the costs for taking the families to the local swimming pool. Family reunions cost money and this person’s finesse in keeping good records and collecting monies until all is settled and zeroed out can prove invaluable in keeping family members unified from reunion to reunion. There is nothing quite so galling as to be out a substantial amount of money and not be refunded as promised. The Reunion Treasurer keeps accounts straight and family members competently honest.

Have a great family reunion. If you are in charge, ask for help in all directions. If you are attending, call the coordinator and offer to help with one of the projects we have discussed. It will make all the difference in a successful family reunion!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Teaching Children Not to Hit

In many families, hitting is a common way of resolving conflict between siblings (and sometimes between adults). This is not the best way. Is it possible to teach your family members not to hit? Is it possible to teach them to resolve conflicts without any physical violence? It is possible to have a family where everyone is working to find answers through verbal communication instead of throwing, shoving, and punching? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, learning not to hit is essential for all mature interactions in life. There are several great skills for ordering your family’s emotional life so physical conflict is eliminated (or at least reduced) and the inevitable challenges that come with living together are worked through without physical force.

Children that are allowed to hit as a way of resolving conflicts often become adults that hit each other (whether it be as husband or wife) or parents who inappropriately hit their children. This pattern of hitting can also lead to inappropriate moral activities and variance in social interactions as children mature. When children are allowed to hit without teaching them how to resolve conflicts appropriately, trouble is in store.

So begin an initiative in your own home that will change family interactions for the better. Discuss with your spouse what your conflict resolutions standards will be when the two of you get angry. Then talk with your family members about their feelings and ideas. Converse about possible new standards before, after, and during the challenges that are part of living together. Then formalize them in writing.

For example, you might begin teaching your children not to hit each other by specifically saying,

“Remember, we don’t hit in our family any more. Yes, we will have conflicts and challenges, but we can resolve them without hitting each other. Joan you sit there and Mary you sit there until you feel settled down a bit and then we will talk together.”

This will be a little difficult at first because children are very apt at hitting. If they are not taught properly, they are especially good at it when parent’s attention is diverted elsewhere. They get even better at hitting on the sly as they mature. But for family life to improve considerably and for peace to return, it is time for change now.

When older children squabble with each other and begin hitting, you separate them until they have cooled down a bit before resolving the issues. Then work with them to verbalize what happened, what they are feeling, and how to find answers. You can teach them to resolve their challenges by talking through their feelings and seeking for a mutual solution. Teach them that mature people do not hit to resolve problems. They talk through their challenges and disputes. They sit and discuss, share and suggest. They find answers together using calm, controlled voices whenever possible.

“Josh, you and Allie have been fighting and are both angry. Remember, we don’t hit to settle our arguments. We talk. Josh, you go to your bedroom and Allie you sit on the couch. In five minutes when we have all settled down a bit, we will talk together and begin to find solutions.”

If your children aren’t quite ready to have an equitable discussion right after their squabble, continue to keep them separated until they have cooled down and are a bit more teachable. Then work with them to teach these principles. At first it will not be easy and you might find that you have some learning to do yourself to keep in control, but stay with it. Remember, if you don’t get mad, you can keep the situation workable as you teach proper principles for conflict resolution.

“I’m feeling so upset at both of you right now. You know that hitting is not the best way to work through anger. Let’s just breathe deeply five times and then each find a chair in the family room. I’ll let each of you state your side of the story. Then I will share mine. Then we will talk about ways to find a solution to our problem.”

Teenagers seem to respond best to a family discussion about familial interactions and appropriate ways of expressing anger, frustration, and disagreement. Work with them until all parties have a clear perception of what, how, and when disputes will be resolved. Then reinforce these standards both by your own example and by continued training.

“Brad, I see that you are not following our family rules about hitting. Art has a bruise on his leg from you. Yes, I know that you were very mad at him, but still we must talk through our problems, not hit our way through them. Sit down here. I will go get Art and we will have a discussion together to find answers to both your needs.”

Even very small children can be taught not to hit. They will often strike or slap you in the face when you are holding them. One of the best ways to work through this is to simply hold their hands softly, but firmly, and say,

“Hitting is not permitted.”

They, of course, will do it again just to see what will happen. Again hold their hands and in a soft but firm voice say,

“Hitting is not permitted.”

Repeat this over and over again until the child begins to respond and comply.

Lastly, discuss with your spouse better, gentler ways to work through the friction that often happens in a marriage and which might lead, from time to time, to physical hitting. This simply cannot be the best way to have order at home.

“Stacy, I love you so much and still I struggle not to use my fists when I get angry. Let’s talk of what we can do so I feel like you are listening to me better. Let’s plan to separate ourselves from the kids and retire to our bedroom before our feelings get out of control. Then we can talk in private until answers come.”

So begin a no hitting initiative right away with your family. If you do this, there will be more peace and harmony between your children. There will be more love between you and your spouse as you train by example. There will be more order in your life in general. And, there will be a chance for a new generation to grow up learning how to peacefully handle life’s many pressures.

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Food and Home Storage Shelving

I would like to respond to a question I recently received about building useful food and home storage shelving. This person had an unfinished storage room which her family wanted to prepare in an orderly manner so storing and retrieving storage items would be expedited. Because it does make a difference how you approach this project, it is worth the time to think through this need! The specifications of shelf depth, spacing of shelves, and preparing either a room or a wall to most effectively store food and other nonfood items is very important to calculate.

Let’s consider several ideas. You will need three depths of shelving. “Deep” shelves, as I call them, are shelves that holds cases of paper towels, toilet paper, disposable diapers, and other more bulky things. These need to be about 18”-20” deep. “Medium” shelving is shelving about 15-18” deep that holds flats of canned soups, fruits, and vegetables. “Narrow” shelving is only 10-12” deep and is great for holding cake mixes, cereal boxes, and other foods that come in smaller sizes. This narrow shelving is also useful for shampoos, lotions, bar soaps, medications, and other sundries.

In addition to these three different depths of shelves, you will want to have three heights of shelves. The first shelf from the floor should be about 30-36” above the floor. This will accommodate stacking two traditional round food storage buckets, one on top of another, so that items such as flour, sugar, oatmeal, and powdered milk can be kept in buckets using gamma lids for ease of access. As a side note, I like 4.25 gallon storage bucket best because they hold about 20-30 pounds of dry food which is just about right for an adult to move around without difficulty. Then there should be several 15-18” tall shelves for the taller grocery items like the large cereal boxes, popcorn cans (which I use to store many items after the Christmas popcorn is gone), and taller plastic bottles. Lastly, have several 12-15” shelves, which will easily hold shorter products with the necessary additional space to reach your hand in over the products to place newer products behind the old when you are restocking. Any space left above easy reaching distance could be left empty for lightweight, bulky items to be stored way up high (always remembering to put the uprights to the ceiling to keep items from dropping off the ends of the shelves).

Keep in mind, when you make shelving, to have the uprights (supports) quite near each other (within 3 feet apart) as canned goods and other items can be quite heavy when stored in bulk. Take the time to paint and otherwise make this area beautiful. This will make going to your food and home storage area delightful. Also, have a little bit extra lighting (as storage areas are usually without much natural light).

Remember, different depths and heights of shelves with sturdy supports in a brightly painted place with good lighting makes purchasing and storing your food and home storage a very pleasant experience.

As you finish up the storage room, add several additional useful items. A wastebasket is great for the excess packaging which is always a part of storing food. A nightlight will keep this area lit even when the main lights are not on. A place for storing grocery bags is also useful. Having extra labels and a couple of permanent marking pens will facilitate keeping all your items dated. Lastly, a date stamp and pad makes finishing up storing food and home storage convenient.

If your storage room or area is quite large, cases of food and storage buckets can be stacked in the center of room to make good use of all the storage area. Remember to label all items at both ends with name and date of purchase so you can easily see what is in your buckets and boxes and how old the items are.

If there is room, have a small table where you can place items when you first bring them to the storage room. While this is not necessary, it surely makes storing food and sundries nicer because you have a work area where you can label, unwrap, and work with the storage items.

As you prepare and complete your food and home storage shelving, think carefully about your needs, measure and build with wisdom, and add the extra accessories to make working in your storage room a delight!

Organized For Weeding

A dandelion left to play,
spreads thousands for another day.

Today we are going to talk about a very practical kind of organization: organizing for weeding. I would like to suggest that an organized person (and/or family) can get at their weeding, do it faster, and keep it done much better than a person that approaches this task in a more casual manner.

May I suggest you gather all the hand tools you will need and put them in a container (with a handle) so that each and every time you go out into your yard to weed, you will have everything you need with you. I like a five-gallon plastic bucket the best, but any sturdy container will do. Gather or purchase a dandelion digger, a trowel, some good scissors, a pair of pruners, some nice grass clippers, some green tie tape, and some two-inch diameter x two-inch long pieces of PVC pipe (which have previously been cut by a willing helper). These pipe pieces are used to indicate where the morning glory is for when you or your spouse spray the next time.

In addition to this kit (which you will keep near the back door so it will be easy to go out and get at the work), you will also want to buy or find two very good pairs of gardening gloves. You will use one pair right now and keep one pair as a spare for those days when you can’t find the first pair or as replacements when a hole appears in your well-worn gloves. You will also want a straw hat that will keep your head, ears, and nose shaded, some sunscreen for the tip of your nose, and some knee pads or a good kneeling pad.

Review your assortment of larger tools such as the hoe, the rake, and the shovel. Drill a ¾” hole at the end of the tools’ handles, get some nails up on your garage wall, and have those tools also hanging conveniently near your door.

Finally, may I encourage you to divide your yard (front, back, and sides) into six specific areas. Then tackle the weeding in your yard in this order. In my particular yard, the left side is one day, the right side is another day, the front yard takes two days and the back yard takes two days. Once I have my weeds under control, a few minutes each workday morning keeps the yard looking great. This method focuses my attention on a small part of the yard and keeps the weeds from laughing at me. I know that yesterday I did Section One, and today I will go on to tackle Section Two. When I don’t get to the weeding for a day or two, I will begin with Section Three at the next opportunity.

With your weeding organized, you’ll soon be receiving the local “yard of beautification” award for you will have tackled, conquered, and otherwise managed to get your wedding done just as you desire.

Of course, you may want to set up a kit for your spouse, maybe your children and if you live with other adults or grandchildren, make them a little kit, too. There is something motivating about having some of your own personal tools to tackle yard work. In addition, remember that individual responsibility brings group success. So, if you have four children, maybe each of them could be in charge of one section of the yard this summer with you and your spouse each handling a section, too. This allows achievers to get their outside weeding work done and know where they are to begin and when they are finished. Of course, there will also be trimming bushes, mowing the lawn, and watering chores, but with the weeding assigned out, the yard can be kept in better shape with a little help from everyone.

Remember to organize your hand tools, larger tools, a good pair of gloves, a wonderful hat, sunscreen, and kneeling pad so you can carry the weeding bucket with one hand and the larger tools with the other wherever you are going to work. Good luck this summer and happy weeding!

Below is a specific list of these ideas, the needed tools, and the goals. Maybe you can tackle one project each day this next week and be well on your way to weedless summer.

Gather all hand tools into a kit: dandelion digger, trowel, scissors, pruners, clippers, green tie tape, 2” sawn PVC pipes to indicate where to spray for morning glory

Gather all comfort tools: Buy or find two good pairs of gloves (one to use and one as a spare), a straw hat, sunscreen, some kneepads or a kneeling pad

Gather all large tools: Hang all large tools near the back door after drilling holes at the tops of the handles and hammering some nails into your garage wall.

Divide the yard into six defined areas: or however many days of the week you will be available to weed

Tackle one area each day you are able to work outside (hopefully a little bit each day of the week)

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Teaching Children to Work

If you are on a traditional school schedule, its time to make summer plans about what your children (no matter their ages) will be expected to do this summer in addition to outings, vacations, and other activities. It is best to focus in three areas:

1) What will be the daily neatness standards for their bedrooms during the upcoming summer? Beds made? Clothes picked up? Curtains open, drawers closed, and toys picked up? Will these responsibilities need to be done before breakfast, before daily chores, and/or before they are allowed to play with friends?

2) What household skills will you teach them during this vacation time? Will they be in charge of making one general-use room neat each morning? Will they dust, vacuum, and clean another room once a week? Will they have chores in your yard and maybe a garden portion to weed, water, and harvest? Will they learn to cook (maybe at lunchtime)?

3) What reading opportunities will you offer? When will you be going to the library week to week? Where will the library books be kept? During what hour of the day will you arrange for quiet time so the family members can read or do other quiet projects without interruption, distraction, or other disturbances?

Now is the time to take just a moment to think through your upcoming summer plans:

1) Daily clean standards for bedrooms you will uphold,

2) Household chores and cooking skills you will share, and,

3) Reading opportunities you will offer.

Remember, parenthood is not a popularity contest. You are in charge to make the rules, provide the opportunities to work and learn, and protect the time for reading and quiet projects.

May the upcoming summer and every subsequent summer be different because you have taken a few minutes to formulate your plans, decided what to teach, and created a daily break for personal time.

As a side note, when your family is on a year-round school schedule, these same skills could be taught during off-school weeks. It will be more difficult to establish a routine cadence because the vacation times will be shorter, but it is very important for children to be responsible for part of the household maintenance.

Non-school time also offers a perfect situation to help your children learn to enjoy their specific chores. There is usually more time for instruction, more leisure for checking to make sure the jobs are done correctly, and more capacity for patience without a lot of outside pressures. There are four important concepts to consider as we approach teaching proper work habits and attitudes.

1) Specifically tell them what their jobs will entail so there is no misunderstanding as to the desired results. This will help them understand that standards have been set and they are to be met.

2) Teach them how to appropriately complete their jobs. This will demonstrate the methods and skills required for success.

3) Time how long it takes them to complete each job for several days. This helps introduce the concept that if you do a job repetitively and are diligent, you can do it better AND you can do it faster.

4) Finally, teach them the concept of self-initiative, one of the most important principles a young child, a teenager, or even an adult can learn. There can be great self-satisfaction in doing your jobs without being asked. This also teaches independent behavior.

Anyone that lives in a home should participate in maintaining it. Tell your children that house and yard work are part of this upcoming summer’s activities. With the introduction of simple but repetitive jobs, include the standards desired, teach the methods required, show them that practice makes jobs go faster, and help them move towards self-initiative. With their help, they can do to make the load lighter for maintaining the home, cleaning the yard, and keeping up with the laundry.

After deciding who will do what and how much each person will be responsible for, take time to describe the job completely. Take plenty of time, at the beginning, to teach them the right way to do each job. If this teaching is not done appropriately, there will be frustration, sullenness, and disappointment all through the long summer months. Work with the children and a timer as they do each job to show them how long it takes to do the job. Then repeat the timed sequence as they do the job again and again to show they can get better each and every time they do their chores with focus and diligence.

Over and over speak of self-initiative. Reward them generously for any self-initiative that is shown in an appropriate way. For instance, have special colored drinking glasses at dinner for those members of your family who do their chores during the day without being asked. In other words, when they show self-initiative, let everyone know about it. It becomes a symbol of their achievements and willingness to cooperate.

May the forthcoming summertime be more fulfilling as you and your whole family work together towards a more orderly life!

© 2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Setting Summertime Clothing Standards

Today I would like to share several ideas about ordering your life with summertime clothing standards. I do not particularly care, as we discuss this, what your standards of modesty are. (Well, actually I do hope they will be high standards, but I will leave those decisions to your best judgment.) What I would like to encourage, however, is to order your family’s lifestyle so that there are set clothing standards!

This helps children in three ways. First, children tend to grow up more morally safe when standards are sent, because in their own minds there are barriers of behavior, dress, language, and action that have been imposed by their family. These standards help them self-impose standards of their own. Deciding upon family clothing standards is a first, good step in that direction. Second, because standards have been set, children learn there is some clothing that is appropriate and other clothing that is inappropriate from your family's point of view. It is important to talk about these things before your daughter or your son brings home the first piece of clothing that raises your husband's eyebrows and causes your own mouth to drop. Third, your children will likely push against those family standards more than once and it is important there are carefully clarified parental parameters and consequences for non-compliance.

May I suggest that if you are married and have a spouse, you discuss what modest clothing standards mean to both of you? Then continue the discussion with your whole family so the standards are set before the summertime clothing is purchased, borrowed, or worn. If you do not want your girls to have midriff exposure, they should know this is a family standard before they bring home a piece of clothing that shows that intriguing piece of skin. If you want his pants to be a certain length, the family standards should be discussed before purchases are made. If clothing is to be modest no matter the position of a person, this should be discussed so shopping expeditions include leaning over in front of a dressing room mirror to ensure modesty can be maintained.

As you approach family dress standards, you and your spouse may want to talk about what your standards will be: how low or high will necklines be, will exposed cleavage be in your best interests, and how short will the shorts be? Will see-through or partially see-through fabric be allowed? What about sleeveless tops, two-piece swimsuits, and short shorts? Will off-the-hip pants and skirts be acceptable?

After a frank discussion with your spouse, discuss each clothing standard with your children. Following this second discussion, it is useful to write down the family’s clothing standards, have everyone sign it, and post it in the home. This will order you and your family's life from the inside and out so that each member knows what your clothing standards are in easy-to-state terms. It will help your children feel safe. It will help you be more comfortable around your teenage children, and it will teach and train them to respond appropriately when shopping and when dressing. It is always easier to set standards before the issue becomes an issue than to wait and have to cajole, persuade, or endure!

After standards are set, there will be some wonderful, growing experiences as children, teenagers, and sometimes adults attempt to supersede the standards or excuse a certain piece of clothing, just this once. Sit down conversations about the specifics of the standards and how they will be applied in your home are sure to happen. It is useful to include in your family clothing standards that a questionable piece of clothing may not be worn until such a discussion has taken place. And, if clothing is worn against the standards that have been set, it is should also be discussed how disobedience is to be handled. Again, working through as many scenarios as possible and discussing consequences as part of setting the family clothing standards, will reduce and often eliminate surprises. It will also go a long way to keeping your family morally safe!

Finally, it is useful, while on the topic of family clothing standards, to also discuss practices of modesty in the home. Are family members to keep modestly dressed at all times? If so, does everyone have a bathrobe for those quick trips when clothing needs to be retrieved from another room? In addition, what changes need to be made to accommodate these new habits? Do hooks need to be installed in the bathroom and also on the rear of bedroom doors? Do containers for underwear need to be put in bathroom cupboards? What will work best for your family’s needs now that clothing standards have been set and clarified?

Setting high clothing standards and modesty habits during everyday living will go far to help with virtuous living. May we all look inward and make the changes that will benefit our families for a wonderful, but modest summer!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Sorting Family History Paperwork

I have been asked again and again how to make sense of family history projects, especially when a mass of paperwork needs to be sorted for a personal history. This includes handling paperwork for those long dead and coping with paperwork for ourselves, spouses, children, and extended family.

I have finally found a solution that seems to work for all my journal, photograph, and family history projects.

Setup
As a first step, gather or purchase 130 or so manila file folders. I like three-tab folders the best because they are long enough to read easily. Find a box in which the folders can be kept as they fill up with paperwork. Also gather a marking pen, pencils, and some post-it notes to make notations as you work.

Then make up labels with the numbers 00-99. These labels will be used for the various years of the person’s life. Attach the labels to the folder tabs. If you are sorting for someone who lived from 1903 to 1965, you will use the labeled folders 03-65. If you are sorting for someone was born in 1986 and is still alive, you will use the labeled folders 86-00 and 01-09 plus any additional folders needed as they mature.

If you are working with several projects at once, you might consider preparing several sets of these labeled folders so as you find paperwork you can file it in the appropriate place and as you discover treasures you can sort them successfully.

Miscellaneous Paperwork Folders
To help make sense of miscellaneous paperwork, you might also want to make up additional labels such as: To Do (items that need additional attention), To Sort (items that seem overwhelming right now or belong in several places), To File (items that need filing elsewhere), Copy (items needing duplication), and Pending (items that are half way done and/or awaiting an answer).

Peripheral Paperwork Folders
You might also have folders for additional paperwork which doesn’t rightly belong with this project such as: Items to Share (paperwork of interest to other parties), Partial Items (items to hold until you can find the rest of the paperwork), Questions (paperwork that needs answers), Siblings (paperwork more rightly belongs to a siblings’ history), Friends (paperwork regarding friends of this person), Photos, Slides, and Negatives (for extra photographic items that you don’t care to put in the yearly folders).

Monthly Folders
Then, if additional, detailed sorting is needed, prepare labeled folders for the months of the year, i.e. January-December. This will allow further, easy sorting of bulky "yearly" folders. After the items are sorted by the month, they can be returned to the yearly folder and will be more useful because they are chronologically stored.

Financial Folders
If the project is big enough you might also want folders for: Donations (from others who support you financially in your family history work), Finances (to keep track of who has paid for what), and Receipts (for printed records of expenses).

Setting Up
Again, after gathering and preparing these supplies, you will want to put the yearly 00-99 labels on the manila folders. As another example, if your ancestor lived from 1899 to 1959, you will use the labeled folders 99-00 and 01-59. You will not use all the labeled yearly folders for any single project unless the person lived a very long time, but having prepared 100 labeled folders, you will be able to handle all different life configurations with ease.

Sorting
Now it is time to begin putting the paperwork where it belongs. Put the appropriate manila folders for one project in a box labeled with that person’s name so all the paperwork for one person stays together. I often put a smaller box inside this filing box to help the folders stand up straighter and not slowly slip downward. I use this smaller box until the folders stand up on their own as they fill up the larger box.

So set up your system, gather your supplies, and go to work. Family history paperwork needs to be sorted, organized, and filed to be any use. There is nothing so intriguing as a Sunday afternoon filled with a family history project. A sturdy set of labeled manila folders makes all the difference in moving the project from a mess to a success!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Teaching Others to Wait

Today I would like to share some thoughts about a delicate but very important skill for anyone trying to bring more order to his or her life. It is the skill of teaching others to wait. I believe one of the great challenges in life is knowing when to stop and reply, how fast to respond, and what to do when others need you. Sometimes this happens when the phone rings, children call out for help, or teenagers and/or other adults want your rather immediate attention.

I believe you will bring greater order in your life by not trying to be everything to everyone all the time. Let’s discuss a typical situation. You are folding laundry and your seven-year-old child says, "Mom, I need you to come and help me tape my library book." Generally, you drop what you are doing and sprint to the child's aid. If the child is capable of understanding the concept of waiting, you might do better to say, "Jonathan, I would be happy to come and help you. However, I have about three more minutes of folding towels, two more minutes of putting them away, and then I'll be there." What this does is it allow you to come to finishing points, mini-finishing points though they may be, so you have places of completion in your own routines, even as you meet the requests of others.

Or, another typical situation might be an interaction with your teenager. "Mom, where’s my white shirt?" Usually, this particular individual is in a frantic panic to get somewhere soon and you feel that time squeeze. Suddenly, it is your job to find the shirt and find it now. So generally you stop our own task, move to the place of the need, and begin to help with the search. But is that the best way to respond or the best timing with which to react? And, what are you teaching others about our own self-respect and their need for independent responsibility? How much better to say, as calmly as possible, "Brad, I don’t know where your shirt is right now, and I’m busy for about five more minutes changing my sheets. Then I’ll be happy to come help." You are not deliberately making our teenager’s life difficult, but usually it is his problem and should remain his problem, if only for a few more minutes. Then, when you come to a convenient stopping point, you can go to his aid (and hope that he has found the shirt on his own in the meantime.)

Or, your spouse calls, "Honey!" and you stop mid-stride and go to his or her side and help with whatever is the particular problem of the moment, rather it be to get a spider, retrieve toilet paper, or help reach items too high on a shelf. Now, I’m not against helping others, but I see too many people moving too fast to the aid of others who would just as well learn to get their own spiders, look under the sink for toilet paper, and climb on a stool they retrieved themselves. And in the meantime, you could finish ironing that shirt.

So, the concept simply is this: As you go through life and your children mature, or your teenagers and spouse are cooperative, or your coworkers and elderly parents are understanding, let them know you are happy to come, but you would appreciate if they would wait (if only momentarily) so you can come to a finishing point.

"Yes, Mom, I hear you calling. I'll be there in just a bit. I'm putting the noodles and sauce into the casserole dish and the oven. Then I can figure out why your TV won’t change channels."

Or, when you answer the phone and a request is made to run an errand, say, "You know, honey, I would be happy to do that for you. However, I am in the middle of scrubbing the kitchen floor. It will take me about 20 minutes to finish and then I'll be happy to leave. Will that work with your own schedule?"

Or if you find yourself facing a flushed youngster who is requesting help with her science project, you might say, "Josie, I’m so glad you are making progress on your project and I would be happy to hold the papers so you can staple them to your poster board. I’m just finishing up the last of the dinner dishes. It will be about five more minutes before I can come."

If you will begin to do this more often, especially when circumstances are such that you can take this opportunity, you bring your life to places of finishing. The laundry will get put away, the kitchen floor will be scrubbed before you leave the house, and dinner will be hot and ready on time. You will just be more in control!

At the same time, you are also instilling a sense of value for your own needs and teaching others to respect you. So may I encourage you to carefully observe your interactions this next week and see where you are jumping the gun, where you are responding too quickly; and, therefore, leaving the task at hand undone in favor of helping someone else right away. Work just a little bit towards helping others wait, if even just momentarily, so you can come to a wonderful, complete, and sensible finishing point.

Yes, teaching others to wait so you can come to a finishing place will increase order in your life, allow them to become just a bit more independent, and eventually will help everyone value each other’s priorities and current projects. Good luck!

Create A Home Office Haven

Where do you start when you want to begin making that abode of yours manageable enough to handle the pressures of life?

Set Up A Home Office
Setting up a home office is the very first place to begin as it seems to make the most difference to the most people as they approach organizing their home. Why? Because dealing with the constant presence of "too many" papers causes enormous stress in our lives. Dividing, confining, and conquering paperwork brings a great sense of control to any home manager’s life. Yes, I know that sometimes there doesn’t seem to be enough room or maybe the desk you currently have is covered to the point that you have forgotten its existence, but having a place to do paperwork with efficiency and peace is so important to the running of a home. Let’s find some answers that will work for you!

Initially, let’s discuss the important elements of an effective home office. There are three main essentials: a flat surface (the bigger the better), a small drawer for office supplies and paperwork tools, and a larger drawer for filing papers.

A Flat Surface
While an actual desk with small office supply drawers and large filing drawers is best, getting creative with your current situation is a must. Other useful flat surfaces may be a kitchen table or a small counter in a corner of the bedroom. However, one thing is very important: The surface is kept reasonably clean at all times. This is because most paperwork is best handled without first having to clean up a previous mess. Try to keep that surface clean and ready for you at a moment’s notice. Of course, this means cleaning up after yourself, too, when you have tackled a stack of bills, balanced your checking account, or have sorted through papers that need filing.

Office Supplies
Second, designate a small drawer for office supplies. In some cases, this will be a container that you keep near you when doing paperwork, especially if your desk doesn’t have drawers or you are using another flat surface for your duties. Gather or purchase tools that will aid you in handling paperwork: paper clips, a stapler, a three-hole punch, pencils and pens, post-it notes, and scotch tape. Keep these all together as close as possible to the "desk" so when you can sit down, you can go right to work. Remember, if you have to stand or move around to retrieve a tool, it is more likely that you will become distracted and not complete the task at hand.

File Folders
Third, have a larger desk drawer or a convenient box to hold file folders. Four file folders should be prepared and labeled immediately. They are: TO DO, PENDING, BILLS TO PAY, and TO FILE. Every piece of mail which comes into the home can be kept in one of these folders until it is handled. Papers in the TO DO file are dealt with the next time you tackle paper work. Papers in the PENDING file have partially been handled but are waiting a reply (rebates), an event (a wedding), or a response (outstanding correspondence). BILLS TO PAY is self-explanatory. This file keeps the bills in one place so they can be paid in a timely manner. TO FILE is where papers of value are kept for one month or so before being re-examined to see if they really are worth the trouble to file permanently.

As you gather and sort through the paperwork in your home right now, you will add other file folders such as AUTO INSURANCE, HOME INSURANCE, MEDICAL INSURANCE, TAXES, and VITAL DOCUMENTS. Keep documents that are similar together in folders appropriately labeled for quick retrieval of this paperwork. It is not easy or usually convenient to file paperwork right away, but it a very useful habit, especially when it is time to find that same paperwork again.

Its Time For A Haven
So, sometime very soon, take a couple of hours and set up our own home office to your liking. With the acquisition or arrangement of these three tools: a flat surface, a office supply container or a cleaned out drawer, and a drawer for filing or even a filing cabinet, you can begin the process of gaining control. With some more time to set up file folders, gather or purchase office supplies, and make up simple systems for paper flow, you will more ready to be a professional home manager with his/her own home office!

After you have set up your home office to your liking, remember that following up with frequent paper handling is vital to your office staying the haven you have worked so hard to create. While it is not always possible to tackle this need every day, look at your schedule and realize that a paper that is piled is lost, while one that is filed is found. It is always easier and faster to deal with a few pieces of paper properly now than to wait until the mess keeps you from finding success. Maintenance of your home office is part of the process of staying organized.

A functional home office haven can be yours as you continue your pursuit of personal organization. Fix up it and then keep it up. What a great investment in your future competency as a person. Good luck!

Replenishing Habits

You run out of gas, you run out of fresh batteries, or you run out of prescriptions. It seems you are always running out of something or paying the price because you find yourselves "dry." What can you do to improve your replenishing skills so you don't run out of anything anymore? May I share several ideas about improving your replenishing habits that will save time, trouble, and hassle for all of your life? You see, with a little change in habits, shopping patterns, and personal awareness, you never need run out of anything again!

"Earlier" Standards
First, set "earlier" refill standards. When I talk to people and ask them how low they let the gas get in their car before they get uptight, I get a variety of answers from, "Well, I have a gas can in the back if I need to walk to a station" to "I wait till the red light goes on" to "Well, I kind of wait to get sort of close to empty." May I suggest setting an "earlier" refill standard so you will always have gas? I would like to suggest that as soon as the gas gauge hits the one-quarter full mark, you begin looking for a gas station. This gives you a couple of days to be where you usually purchase gas or be near another convenient station. It is just a small, but important change in habit. You will never run out of gas because you can't if you're always one quarter of the way or more full.

Think about the milk in your frig. How many times have you had to go to the store just so your family can have milk on their breakfast cereal? A small change in habits makes a big difference. Mark or tag the last gallon of milk in the frig. Then, buy milk at the next convenient time, arrange for delivery to your door, or buy more than you will need next time to better fulfill the upcoming, anticipated use of your family and friends.

"Notation" Standards
Second, when you have replenishing needs which are tied to a certain expiration date or you will run out by a certain time, plan to make notations as reminders to stay ahead. For instance, when you get a prescription, immediately write on your calendar or planner when that prescription will be gone and then make another written note four or five days before as a reminder to call in the refill or check in with your doctor. Then make the necessary arrangements to pick up the prescription the next time you run errands.

If you regularly borrow library books, note the due date on your calendar (even if you plan to return to the library before the anticipated due date) as a second, written reminder of your responsibilities. Again, notations are a great replenishing habit.

"Fresh" Standards
Third, have the habit of having a second, fresh set. You use batteries in so many different ways; you might have a cell phone, flashlights, and/or a video camera. May I encourage you to always have a second, fresh set of batteries ready to use? In other words, if you buy a new camera, get a second set of rechargeable batteries, and have them charging so that they will be ready at a moment’s notice. Do the same with your flashlight and any other item which needs fresh batteries occasionally. With your cell phone, have a regular habit for recharging at a certain time of the day or week.

This same principles applies with the print cartridge for your printer, the copy paper in your office, and the socks in your drawer. Always, always be living ahead of your need, not at your current level of need. Then you will have more time to replenish at your convenience instead having to make a mad rush to the store, usually with greater expense.

"Inevitable" Standards
Finally, prepare for the inevitable. I encourage people to prepare for the next time this time. As you come home from running errands today, clean out your car, make sure you have a spare diaper or two, a little bit of cash stashed, the water bottles refilled, and Cheerios in a container for your children. If you do this, you will be unlikely to ever have an unpleasant trip, because although you might be stressed the next time you climb into your vehicle and not even be thinking about some of these needs, you will be safe knowing that at the end of the last trip you replenished.

The same goes for most activities involving other people. Occasionally, they will fail you. They will forget to bring the handouts for the meeting and you will be glad you have another original on hand to make more. They will forget the serving spoons for the birthday picnic and you will be glad you keep a couple of extras stashed in your picnic basket. They will neglect to bring sunscreen to the family reunion and you will have a spare bottle right in your beach bag. While we want others to be independent and responsible, sometimes it is not worth a sunburn or a ruined activity! Prepare for possible failure by being fully replenished yourself.

Very soon, I encourage you to find one or two places where you could really improve your replenishing habits. Then have a wonderful replenishing and "I’m just a little bit ahead of the game" life if you can!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com