A Merrier Christmas, the Ten Percent Way

Preparing for the holidays is a lot of work. It takes time, energy, and money. But to have a truly successful and fulfilling holiday season, it is important to make some very difficult decisions right away. Where will you spend your time, how much money will you spend, and which of the many tasty treats will become personal indulgences?

Because I am sure you want to have an easier, nicer Christmas, cheer up and prepare with me for a more light-hearted holiday season. It is really very easy. Resolve upon three strategies that will work towards this goal: Plan to spend just 10% less (than last year), decide to do just 10% less (than your usual holiday routine); and finally, resolve to eat just 10% less (than you would like). Now, I didn’t say don’t spend, don’t do, and don’t eat. The holidays are not a “fast,” but most of us could use to have a little more “diet” in our December. This can come quite naturally if you take the “lower calorie” approach.

Spend 10% Less
You might wisely conclude, “I will spend money, but only this much and in this way.” Make up your gift list, set a reasonable financial limit for each gift purchase, and add up the numbers. Now, look again at this same list and downsize your figures just 10%. Instead of $20, plan to spend $18. Instead of doling out $10, plan to spend $9. Instead of using up $5, plan to spend $4.50. Just 10% less will do just fine! As a matter of fact, this slightly lower spending plan, especially if you share your purchasing plan with those you love, will allow your friends and family spend less, too, because the pressure will be off to “keep up” with the precedence of previous years.

Do 10% Less
You could willingly decide, “I will be involved with some activities, parties, and social obligations, but I will remember that saying ‘no’ to some activities is not the end of the world. It is, rather, just choosing between two good activities and deciding which I prefer.” Then, review your calendar and see where you can consolidate some activities into one, where you can bypass some activities in favor of others, and which you will decline this year (so you can still be sane on January 1, 2010). With 31 days in December, this means saving only some three additional days or so from heavy social obligations. It will make all the difference. Remember, when you say no to some activities, you are also saying yes to others.

Eat 10% Less
As you pre-decide about your personal palate preferences, you might indicate, “I will enjoy some eggnog, some cheesecake, and even an extra chocolate or two. But I will not eat as much as I am offered just because I am offered it, nor will I keep all the chocolates out and about on the kitchen counters to torment me. Some yes; all no!”

So, look at this year’s holiday calendar. What can you do to be more creative and less indulgent as you plan your gifts and thus save 10%? How can you be social enough and yet save 10% of your time for more treasured, precious moments of reverence and repose? Which of your many treasured treats will you taste and what 10% will you defer to another, thinner time in your life?

It is in deciding beforehand that makes for a more orderly holiday season. When will you put up the tree and what 10% of the house will you leave undecorated? How can you satisfy those you love with 10% less on the menu than you have prepared before? And how about gift wrapping with a 10% reserve in glitter and gold? And what will you decline to eat so much of in favor of keeping your belt notched at the same place during the next several weeks?

Remember, if you can shift gears downward just 10% you will set the stage for others to be able to relax and enjoy the holidays more, too. So spend less, do less, and eat less. Decide upon your 10% holiday “diet” plan now and hold steady. Some, but not too much. A few, but not too many. A taste, but not the whole piece, thank you very much.

We want to get to 2010 thinner, more rested, and with a few extra dollars to our name! It will make for a merrier Christmas and the likelihood of a more prosperous New Year!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Simultaneous to Sequential

My cousin’s young daughter recently passed away from a sudden illness. It was a trauma for our extended family. She was so young, so vibrant, and so eager. Now she is gone. With time, it is getting easier to cope with her loss and I am getting used to the feelings in my heart, but even as I do, I am learning that when you are in a stressful situation or at an unusual place where things are not making much sense, it is best to order your days to do what matters MOST first and let most of everything else “season” for awhile until you feel more healed and interested.

The stresses in your life might come from different circumstances. They might even be from long-ago memories. They might be for reasons you can't exactly explain, but feel too much stress nevertheless. When you realize that stress is making you dysfunctional, it is time for a different, better plan of action.

This plan means you move from more simultaneous living (doing a lot of things all at once) to somewhat sequential living (focusing on one thing, then another, and finally a third).

It seems that when stress increases, our capacity to deal with a lot of different options, projects, and responsibilities diminishes. This is not because we are weak, bad, or otherwise faulty. It is just a fact of life!

It is also important to understand that this personal stress doesn’t have to have a big name, be an important event, or even be publicly known. It can just exist in you. Please recognize it for what it is and adjust your lifestyle, at least temporarily, so you can function at a higher level.

When the going gets rough, tough, and otherwise impossible, may I suggest facing life in this more linear and less spatial fashion. For instance, you awaken one morning and know it is going to be a “hard and heavy” day. If you stay at home, you might have gotten up late and not be your best self. The housework seems endless, the children are out of sorts, and your mind is a fog about whether to start the dishes, get a batch of laundry going, or maybe just climb right back in bed.

If you have managed to get to work, you look at your responsibilities and wonder where to begin, who to make happy first, and how to keep the smile pasted firmly on your face until quitting time. You are present, but you cannot be held accountable for much.

Before you totally give up and quit, may I suggest you list everything that is on your mind. Get it out on three sheets of paper entitled: Must Do Today, Would Like To Do This Week, and Can Wait For Later. Yes, everything that is on your mind should be written down.

Once you have dumped your stresses into these three categories, put the Can Wait For Later list in the back of your planner. (It will be the last list to tackle and will only be brought out when the other two lists are complete and/or someone else shows up to help you out sometime down the road.)

Put the Would Like To Do This Week list at the end of this week’s pages in your planner. (It will be there when and if you have energy to think about it. If not, these things can be faced next week or the next. Again, if anyone volunteers to help later in the week, give them the opportunity to contribute.)

Now, take the Must Do Today list and by adding 1, 2, or 3, etc. to each item of your list, decide the exact order in which you will face your day.

Yes, I know that this list-making is taking a lot of time, but it will save trouble, decision-making, and lots of frustration for the rest of the day and throughout the week. There needs to be some organization in the midst of your soul’s chaos. There needs to be marching orders to pull you along because your mind is not functioning at its best. There needs to be activity to salve the wounds and distract your sorrowing heart.

With a list of what to do and in which order to do it, you now have focus and you now can live more sequentially. This will make it easier to get going and keep going as you address the minimum requirements of life.

Face the first item on your Must Do Today list, tackle it, take care of it, and then go on to the next (between changing diapers, wiping noses, and answering questions, if you have small children around). Then go on to the second item (and answer phones, keep your boss happy, and smile at the customers, if you are at work). Then do the third, fourth, and on and on.

You will get through today more successfully and happier than almost any other method I have tried. Remember, having better, more-able-to-cope days during difficult times means making up three lists and then following them in order. Soon enough your heart will settle down and you can return to a more simultaneous routine! But for now, and even for a few more weeks, let the sorrow sit until it is past. Let the pain soak until it is gone. Let your heart have space to feel and cope, all because you have made three lists and without too much thinking can function on the outside, even you heal on the inside.

© 2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

The Sunday Dandelion

I had to wait by the side of the highway for several minutes the other day to catch a ride to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. I’m serving there right now with my husband in a small branch of Spanish-learning missionaries. I join them for their church services at 3 p.m. on Sunday afternoons and needed a ride from one of the other wives whose husband serves in the same branch. Thus my roadside epiphany.

For there at my feet, was a dandelion, a bright, yellow, smiling (or so it seemed to me) dandelion. Autumn has lingered longer than usual where I live and that little dandelion was growing so close to the ground. There had been no time for a long stem. While the sun is still somewhat warm during the days, the frost chills to the bone every night. I wondered as I waited. Then I realized I’m usually too much in a hurry to notice details about my surroundings or appreciate the simple beauties.

And with the sight of my very own, personal, right-at-my-feet dandelion, I began to marvel. Were there other stout dandelions still blooming in my yard? Were there solitary bees still out and about in my garden? Were there imprint stains of fallen leaves on my sidewalks from last week’s rain (one of my favorite kinds of art delivered directly by Mother Nature after a good rainstorm)? Usually I do not know because usually I do not see. I’m just in such a hurry.

Go here, be there. “Run, quickly now, or we will be late” is the mode of my life. But Sunday’s dandelion said to me, “Slow down, Marie. I’m blooming right here at your feet to help you remember that being in a hurry and being grateful cannot co-exist. You must stop, or at least slow down a bit, to see and hear and feel gratitude. It is impossible to appreciate while moving too fast through life, space, and time. Be still…”

So this next week (and maybe even the whole of November), in the midst of fixing meals for my family, watching football playoffs (one of my family’s favorite past times during this season), and hugging people I love, I’m going to watch out for more dandelion experiences. When I’m cleaning up from the meals, putting leftovers in the refrigerator, and picking up after our family gatherings, I am going to look for other “blooming dandelions” in my life.

This is the month of my youngest son’s birthday. He was born the morn after Halloween, a precious child who came to stay in our lives just a bit over two years before flying away like the helicopter seed tufts of a matured dandelion. Our last night’s kiss, a snuggly hug, and then in the quiet of sleep he drifted away caressed into heaven’s arms like the wind moves on a dandelion and takes away its fruit. He had had leukemia only 13 months when it was too much and so November has a sting to it, too, as I remember the golden child who never grew up and will never get old.

However, in its own way, such an experience makes all my other dandelions more precious. After Evan’s departure every good thing in my life seem bigger and brighter than it had before. Every friendly smile seems more precious to my eyes, every touch of love more dear to my skin, and every tear I shed more tender on my cheek. And so, when I look on my other children, I do it differently, with more love than I knew I could carry in my heart which also is vacant with grief.

I think I will notice the smile on my single sons’ faces (which might mean they have girls on their minds) and catch the wink of another son (which means he is flirting with his wife as he thinks on his upcoming fatherhood). I think I will cuddle up to my spouse and smell the scent that is his alone and hug my precious daughter-in-law with greater joy. I think I will go a bit slower and see, feel, and hear a bit more -- just during November, of course, because by December I must be abuzz again with activities, pressures, and responsibilities. Well, maybe if I learn my “dandelion” lesson, I will take those holidays slower, too.

One year, on the anniversary of Evan’s birth, someone anonymously left bright, blooming yellow flowers on our doorstep. How could they had known I had chosen yellow as my color for Evan. How would they have known that on that difficult Thanksgiving day, when he was so very sick, we ate our traditional meal in his hospital room after another kind friend had brought brilliant yellow napkins and a single yellow rosebud to grace our table? And so again and again dandelion yellow continues to teach me about healing and hope.

So this month, just for a bit, I will show my gratitude by smelling, looking, and hearing the joys of my life right around me. Thanks, my Sunday dandelion, for being there at the roadside and teaching me a better way, a grateful golden way of feeling joy with a freshened soul!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

The Significance of a Simple Dinner Bell

When my parents died, there were many items to distribute between ourselves as siblings. There were larger items of value and smaller ones no one wanted. There were practical items such as tools and linens, clothes and computer equipment. And then there were the sentimental items. Most of them were easily shared. I wanted this, my siblings wanted that and we worked through the items one by one. But interestingly, we all wanted the dinner bell. Of course, there was only one dinner bell and eight children so only one could inherit the treasured item. But it was in the wanting that I have found important lessons about what remained of value to us as children after a lifetime of memories made with our parents.

Our dinner bell was small, just about two inches in diameter and about four inches tall. It was golden in color with designs cut into the metal after the bell had been shaped. I don’t know how my parents acquired it and when they first began to use it, but its ring seems closely connected to our family’s move to the small three-acre farm when I was a young girl. Its unique sound still reverberates in my mind when I hear other bells tell their stories. I suppose it didn’t cost much, but it was a significant symbol of my youth.

Repeatedly, the dinner bell ringing meant I lived in a home wealthy enough to have food for ten people and that my mother had prepared another delicious meal. She was competent and dependable to feed us well. What with ten hungry mouths, the pressure for creativity must have been enormous, especially considering my parents raised almost all the food that we ate. Dad fed the animals and in the early years slaughtered them himself in our backyard. We had a family garden, strawberry patches, and a place for our raspberries to mature. The meals were nutritious and varied. I never heard my mother complain about menu planning and after her death, on the reverse side of some notes she had made, I found a carefully written week’s menu on a mimeographed form she had created for such a need. She was complete in her planning for the weekly menu had places for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with slots for snacks and desserts. No wonder when the dinner bell rang, I ran with anticipation and pleasure.

The dinner bell also meant that I could move my legs. I lived subsequent to the time when many people in my community contracted the dreaded polio virus and adult neighbors carried the after affects of that experience. One had a hunched back, another a shorter, smaller leg and foot, and a third lost the use of an arm because polio left damage in that area of the body. Always and forever, when I heard the dinner bell, I knew that I was one of the lucky ones who could put the pink-stained sugar cube in my mouth and by so doing would avoid a disease that could keep me from running freely.

The dinner bell meant that I had my very own family and lived on a farm large enough to need a system better than calling for gathering the family around. It was a rule that when the bell rang, you finished up your project as soon as possible, put your tools down or away, and gathered to the kitchen. One of us was always assigned to help Mom fix the meal and serve it while the rest of us were to find our place at the kitchen table by looking for the wooden napkin ring with our name painted in red fingernail polish by my mom (who used that system to simplify who sat where). Always there were white cloth napkins, signifying my mother’s proper upbringing in South Africa where meals meant a time of formality, grace, and manners. We were taught to put the napkin on our lap, speak in polite voices, and express gratitude for the meal preparation. Long after paper napkins were popular and inexpensive, my mother washed and ironed those napkins for our meals. It was her visual way of helping us form proper table manners, remember to say “excuse me, please” when we wanted to leave the table after the meal, and to also have a convenient tool for sneezing and coughing while eating as children.

The dinner bell also meant I could hear. Its small sound when I was far away in the orchard playing during the hot summer mornings after our household chores were done and before the after dinner chores would begin, meant Mom had probably fixed tuna sandwiches with diluted grape Kool-Aid (one of her ways to make the food budget stretch) and freshly peeled carrots for a backyard picnic. She was a fun one to grow up with, full of surprises at mealtimes and delicious desserts to tempt past our vegetables and strange new entrees as she nurtured into us a love of the exotic, including vegetables like asparagus (definitely an acquired taste) and fruit like rhubarb (an acquired taste that still eludes me).

The dinner bell also meant that I had a family, and a large one at that. In all the years of growing up, I don’t remember ever eating alone. Instead, we had noisy conversations, sometimes somber consultations, usually parental correction for one reason or another, and occasionally cultural lessons all right at the kitchen table where they had our full attention. Mom was adept at showing us how to prepare fresh holiday grapefruit so that it could be eaten easily by cutting out each section beforehand with her the grapefruit knives she got for her wedding. She insisted that we use her nice china for Sunday dinner so we could learn to handle it without breaking the pieces both while eating and also while washing, drying and putting them away again in her special china cupboard. We thought those dishes so wonderful after the more durable plastic dishes of the weekdays. It was one of her ways to make Sunday a different, special day and thus help us reverence the Sabbath.

Ringing the dinner bell was usually reserved for the Mom’s dinner preparation helper. In some ways, being able to ring the bell meant that you were of value to Mom and made a significant difference in her work load. It also meant that you had learned how to brown the outsides of a roast before it was put in the oven, dip roll dough circles in butter after cutting them with a dinner glass, and a thousand other little, but important skills about life that come when you are in the kitchen with a mother who also was your mentor.

I have often thought why the dinner bell meant so much to my family members. I think I know now. It wasn’t the dinner bell at all that meant so much to me; it was Dad, Mom, siblings, home, farm, and the memories that the dinner bell’s ring brings to my thoughts.

Thanks Mom and Dad for having a dinner bell. But thanks, even more, for having me and then caring for me and my siblings for all those hundreds of meals together. May dinner bells and other hallowed family treasures always be cherished for what they represent, always!

Having More with Less

When I converse with men and women who seem more put together and orderly in their lives, I notice several common traits. Particularly, it seems they live simply, very simply indeed. In fact, they seem to minimize their choices wherever they can and then maximize their amounts. It appears to me they focus on having more with less.


Wardrobe

Organized people seem to have simpler wardrobes. For example, when they find a pair of dress shoes they like, they will buy two pairs. This allows them to go twice as long before the next shoe shopping trip. While they might enjoy shopping as much as you and I do, they also have many other priorities. So the shoes they find, purchase, and wear stay in their life for twice as long.

When they find hosiery or socks that fit well and are complementary in tone, they will purchase enough to last for a longer period of time, usually one to three years. It is one less thing they will have to worry about for many months to come. This is especially true if they mail order their hosiery or socks, find them on sale, or buy them at a discount outlet.

They have also learned that classical jewelry can be worn with most any outfit. So whether they choose jewels, gold, silver, or platinum, they have enough of these pieces to mix and match. Particularly if they are women, they will have bracelets, earrings, pins, and necklaces that are interchangeable. One time they might wear the bracelet and earrings, another time the earrings and pin, and a third time the bracelet and necklace. In other words, they always seem very put together. If they are men, their ring, watch, cuff links, and tie pins/clips (when they desire to wear these) are closely coordinated. You see, they have more choices with less.

In the same way, their wardrobe has fewer pieces, most of which are classic in design. In addition, the pieces are interchangeable. For women, the tops and blouses go with their pants. These same blouses and tops also go with their carefully selected skirts. And their jackets seem to go with most everything. Instead of purchasing more and more clothing, they have more variety even as they have fewer items. They learn to use scarves to dress up their outfits and give variety to their wardrobe, all with a few carefully selected pieces that can be kept in a small drawer.

The men seem to have a nice variety of clothing, but on closer inspection, they have fewer pieces that can be worn together in a variety of ways to create a great look no matter the occasion.

These same principles of “having more with less” can be applied to your spouse’s wardrobe, to your childrens' clothing, and even to the way you purchase clothes for yourself and them in the future. Buy pieces that go with an already established wardrobe to create variety without a lot of additional expense. Buy pieces that can be worn oversized for a bit to length the time a child can wear a coat, top, or sweater. Just think differently.

For example, one wise mother with five young sons looked at their wardrobes each year and when making purchases, tried to choose clothing that was durable, classic in design, and carefully coordinated with other items already in the boys’ closet. She made the most of having more with less.


Sundries

Just as wardrobes benefit from this principle, purchasing sundries such as shampoo, soap, deodorant, and other personal needs can make life easier and shopping trips less frequent. Having considered the many different possibilities, choose your favorites and purchase them in bulk to last a considerable period of time. There are fewer choices once you have made your purchases, of course, but then you don’t have to think about making more choices for many months. The shampoo you have chosen is what you get to use for a long time without another moment's thought!


Shopping

It is the same with grocery shopping, gift shopping, and any other purchases that are a regular part of your life.

For example, one couple of my acquaintance decided upon the gift they would give for weddings and then purchased it in bulk for the next year’s needs. Having been successful in that enterprise, they decided to purchase two year’s supply of wedding gifts during a particularly busy wedding season of their extended family and thus didn’t worry about gift giving for over 100 weeks. An hour’s session together to wrap the gifts and a storage area reserved for their prepared gifts was enough to settle this item in their schedule for a considerable period of time. When it was time to leave for the reception, they would add a bright bow and a personal note of congratulations (kept, of course, near the gifts for their convenient use). Indeed, they had more with less.

So when you notice a person of distinction, charm, and personality, also notice how he or she generally does more with less. And if you desire, try to emulate this quality. It will save time, help you feel more put together, and even cause others to begin to notice and maybe even duplicate your personal approach to life.

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

When Responsibilities Become Overwhelming

I received a written note during a recent presentation and would like to address its vital questions just as I did when I answered this inquiry. These questions are pertinent to our own immediate needs, especially during stressful times.

Dear Marie: How do you address a situation where 1) a wife has to work full-time to provide insurance for a sick husband, 2) care for an elderly mother who at 93 has her own emergencies that become your emergencies (because other family members live out of town), 3) teach gospel doctrine, and 4) try to be a mother to eight children and 23 grandchildren. Often there is no time left to “set in order” no matter how you try to “plan and prepare”. Thanks for your time in answering my questions.

My friend, I don’t know all your specific circumstances and surely cannot completely understand your current stresses. I’m assuming your husband is not working outside the home and that you are providing both income and insurance coverage. I’m also assuming your mother lives in her own residence, you contact her each day, and visit her often. I would anticipate you teach Gospel Doctrine each Sunday. I’m also assuming your eight children are all grown, are independent, and live outside your home. From the situation as you have described it and my assumptions, I would like to offer several ideas for your consideration.

1) For our purposes, we will plan on you being away from the home for 50/hours a week working and commuting. Is your husband well enough to do some of the housework, yard work, and laundry while you are gone, in addition to ordering the home each day, cleaning one room a day, and fixing dinner for the both of you before you return home at night? If so, encourage him to carry more of the “home” responsibilities by handling some simple household chores, the laundry, and preparing the evening meals. With his help, make up a simple, two-person master menu to simplify your cooking life (using the example I have posted at www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm).

2) Plan to visit and take care of your mother every other day or approximately three times a week, except in the direst of emergencies. Family members that live out of town can take turns, by the month, calling your mother each day to give her additional attention. So your sister, let’s call her Joan, might be in charge of calling your mom during September and your brother, let’s call him Fred, handles October, and etc. Tell your mom you will call every day but will only plan to visit on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays to take care of her needs.

3) Always plan out your week on paper. Yes, you will make changes as the week progresses and sometimes you will have to junk your plan all together, but it is easier to have a plan and change it than to have no plan and have to come up with one under duress. Having a written plan of your week will also help you wisely balance your decisions when the unexpected comes up, which it always will.

4) Plan an hour preparing your lesson for next week on the afternoon/evening of this Sunday. Pare down a bit what energy you devote to preparation and rely more on competent ward members who attend your class. Pick the eight best students in your class and plan to call on them on a rotating basis every week for the next eight weeks to contribute to the class. For example, you might say as next week’s class begins, “I’ve asked Brother B to give us a summary of today’s reading assignment and make several comments regarding today’s lesson before I begin our discussion.” This will help you get through the particularly tough weeks and still be ready for Sunday’s lesson.

4) Plan to call each of your children on a rotating basis, one child each day of the week and three on the weekend (for example) to see how they are doing. If time is tight, try emailing them instead. In addition, have a master calendar with everyone’s birthdays. If you buy gifts, buy them in bigger shopping trips twice a year, wrap the gifts in bulk, and label to whom they will go. Plan to mail them out on Saturdays, twice a month, far enough in advance to arrive by their respective birthdays. If your husband is well enough, he might take over this addressing and mailing responsibility.

As a last bit of advice, whenever possible, simplify, consolidate, and slow down. Avoid too many other commitments right now as you are full to the brim with familial and church responsibilities. Even as I say this, please but don’t skimp on personal needs, personal primping, and personal renewal. Remember, a fuller well has sweeter water.

May the Lord bless all our efforts to make sense of our current stewardships and find answers to the needs which fill our minds and hearts with worry and weight!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Working Person's Housecleaning Plan

One of my most frequent inquiries is how to set up a housecleaning plan when there is part or full-time work outside of the home and/or a variable schedule because of familial or other external demands.

In my experience, a working person’s schedule beats to a very different drum and thus housework should be approached in a very different way to meet this need. As a very simple example, a stay-at-home person might assign his or her jobs by the day, such as:

Monday= dust the house
Tuesday= clean the bathrooms
Wednesday= clean the kitchen
Thursday= wash the linens
Friday= vacuum the house

This routine is great for a young family or retired persons that thrive on such scheduling.

On the other hand, it is vital for working persons to balance their energy and output to meet the varying demands of their current situation. For this reason, we approach home management numerically. Yes, there will still be some chores that will be need to be “done” on a regular basis, but the rest of the chores can be approached in numerical order depending on the other demands upon the working person’s time.

To alter the simple example above to meet a working person’s needs, we would assign some jobs as “DOs” and other jobs by number, such as:

1= dust the house
2= clean the bathrooms
3= clean the kitchen
4= wash the linens
5= vacuum the house

The working person might get job #1 done one evening and then have to wait two evenings the before opportunity arises to finish jobs #2 and #3. Then more three days may go by before she can finish job #4 and finally Saturday is here before she finishes job #5. She can begin her rotation again with the new week and start with job #1. (And, yes, she might involve as many of her family members as possible to lighten her load and increase their responsibilities to make the home run smoothly.)

If this kind of a working person’s housecleaning plan appeals to you, below are instructions for setting one up for yourself. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me for further clarification.

Supplies
1 index card box (sturdy with closeable lid)
200 lined index cards
20 index card dividers (blank) labeled:

- Daily DO
- Daily Chores
- Weekly DO
- Weekly Chores
- Monthly DO
- Monthly Chores
- Wash Chores

- January
- February
- March
- April
- May
- June
- July
- August
- September
- October
- November
- December
- 20_ _


Purchase the lined index cards, the index card box and dividers. Label the dividers as above and prepare the Daily DO, Daily Chores, Weekly DO, Weekly Chores, Monthly DO, Monthly Chores and Wash Chores as given in the examples below:

Daily DO
Make beds= Daily DO
Start daily wash= Daily DO
Empty dishwasher= Daily DO
Fix breakfast= Daily DO and etc...

Daily Chores
Tidy living room= Daily 1
Tidy family room= Daily 2
Tidy kitchen= Daily 3
Tidy bathrooms= Daily 4
Tidy bedrooms= Daily 5
Tidy master bedroom= Daily 6
Empty trash= Daily 7 and etc.....

Weekly DO
Plan weekly menu= Weekly DO
Prepare grocery list= Weekly DO
Grocery shop= Weekly DO
Run errands= Weekly DO
Do yard maintenance= Weekly DO and etc...

Weekly Chores
Pay bills= Weekly 1
Tackle paperwork= Weekly 2
Balance budget= Weekly 3
Vacuum/sweep living room= Weekly 4
Vacuum/sweep kitchen= Weekly 5
Vacuum/sweep master bedroom= Weekly 6
Clean children’s bedrooms= Weekly 7

Clean bathroom mirror= Weekly 8
Clean bathroom counter and sink= Weekly 9
Clean bathroom tub/shower= Weekly 10
Clean bathroom floor and toilet= Weekly 11 and etc.

(You will notice that the more complex chores are broken down into smaller jobs. This is to facilitate the smaller amounts of precious time a woman (or man) might have to pay attention to cleaning. So the bathroom might be started by cleaning the mirror while waiting for your ride in the morning and then continued by cleaning the counter, sink, tub, floor, and toilet in the evening when you return from work and tackle the rest of the chore.)

Wash Dos
Wash whites= Wash DO
Wash mixed clothes= Wash DO
Wash dark clothes= Wash DO and etc....

(Depending upon your circumstances, you might be doing two loads a week for an empty nester couple, while there be one load a day for a small family and up to three loads a day for a larger family.)

Wash Chores
Wash master bedroom sheets= Wash 1
Wash childrens’ bedroom sheets= Wash 2
Wash kitchen and bathroom towels= Wash 3
Wash pajamas= Wash 4 and etc.


Monthly DO
Prepare budget for next month= Monthly DO
Prepare next month’s calendar= Monthly DO and etc.

Monthly Chores
Clean vehicle inside and out= Monthly 1
File paperwork= Monthly 2
Write monthly emails/letters= Monthly 3 and etc.


January-December Chores

There are also chores specific to the month(s) where they would normally fall. For instance, you would make up cards to remind you to do certain seasonal chores on the appropriate months. For example, store lawn furniture in September, add winterizing fluid to lawnmower in October, and purchase/find Christmas cards in November.

Now that the Working Person’s Housecleaning Plan has been set up, it is useful to establish regular habits to focus on these skills. So let’s go to work and see how it will usually happen...

Every morning, pull out the Daily DO cards, lay them out on your counter top and as you complete each task flip the corresponding card over. When all the cards have been done, put them back behind their divider. You may have to finish some of the jobs when you return from work. Still, try to get all the Daily DO cards done every day.

When you get home at night (and depending on your weariness, pressures, and other commitments), begin doing the Daily Chores cards. You might not get through all of them, but when you have completed one card’s task, put the card behind the others of the same type. Sometimes you will get all the Daily Chores cards done in one day, sometimes it might take two or three days. The point is, you do them numerically so chores and responsibilities are approached and tackled in a semblance of order.

Each time you approach your wash, use the Wash DO cards to keep up on regular washing needs. The Wash Chores cards will help you to know which type of specific wash you will be doing next for items that need attention less often. This gets the wash done in an orderly manner even if it takes several weeks to get through the different “specialty” loads.

There are also Weekly DO cards. These would best be done each week, but approach the card’s jobs in order, putting the card in the rear of the appropriate section in the index card box as you finish a job. This keeps these jobs done in a consistent, repetitive order even if it takes several weeks to complete all the cards.

Each week as you approach housework (whether you do it, your family participates, or you pay someone to do it), you will want to use the Weekly Chores cards. As stated before, these jobs have been broken down into simple tasks which can be done here and there, such as just before leaving for work or between fixing dinner and going off to a meeting. Again, you pull the first card, finish the job, put the card in the back of the section of this particular kind of cards. This helps the housework be approached in an orderly manner whether it all gets done each week (as you might like) or you have to take two or three weeks to do it.

Each month you have Monthly DO jobs to do as stated on your new housecleaning cards. Try to schedule these jobs onto your planner or calendar as you will work best if these jobs are approached and finished each month. But again, do them in order and when you have finished a chore, put the card in the back of the appropriate section, and then do the job listed on the next card.

The Monthly Chores cards are less important monthly jobs and are approached after the Monthly DO card jobs are done. Again, finish a job, put the card in the back of the appropriate section of the index card box and when you are able to do another job, pull the next card.

There are also chores which need to be approached according to the seasons of the year. These cards are kept behind the different months according to the listing on each card. Sometimes you will be able to do these jobs in a timely manner, sometimes they will have to wait, sometimes they will be neglected all together, but the system allows you to be aware and connected with seasonal responsibilities.

The concept of a Working Person’s Housecleaning Plan has helped many women and men find increased capacity as they approach housework and other household responsibilities after a long day at the office, on the job, or traveling. May it do the same for you. Take care now and may household responsibilities never seem quiet so overwhelming to you again!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Teaching Sharing Skills to Children

Sharing is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another. We introduce this skill by helping children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and to share by giving away.

Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first we help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.

To teach this skill, we can also casually converse about sharing by using examples from our own lives. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, we might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”

Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of our children, we can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, we model sharing. We share with our spouses, we share with our peers, and we share with our children. It is only then that we can begin to impress the need for sharing upon our children.


Beginning Sharing Skills

When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first give children the opportunity to share when there will be no personal loss.

For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.

Then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.

For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.

Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.

For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.

Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as, “Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?” Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.

Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If they prove to be generous, you might say, “Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.” If they don’t, you could proffer, “Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”


Sharing Temporarily

Young children learn to share their toys, their sand pile, their bath, and their food with others by instruction and repetition. When there is only one toy and two eager children, the initial “your turn” and “his turn” principle can be taught.

“Joshua, there is only one red truck. I can see that both you and Stan want to play with it now and Stan has it in his hand. Here is a blue truck for you to play with now. I’ll set the timer for five minutes and then we will trade. You will get the red truck and Stan will get the blue one for the next five minutes. Fair enough?”


Sharing by Division

Children also need to learn the sharing principle of division. For instance, when food is served, dividing it in two to accommodate both children offers another chance for children to learn that dividing the cookie in half is how the dilemma of two children and one cookie is solved. Parents would do well to talk this through as the cookie is divided and shared.

“Paul, we only have one cookie today and two children. I will let you break it in half and we will let Shaun decide which half he wants for himself. Then, next time we have dessert we will let him divide it in half and you may decide which half you would like.”


Sharing By Giving Away

Another type of sharing is the complete giving up of items that are dearly loved. When you encourage children to let go of some of their excess for the benefit of another child or a worthy purpose you are teaching them the deepest joy of sharing.

There are two regular times to do this, the weekend of Thanksgiving (in preparation for the upcoming holidays) and the week before their birthday (when they will be more likely to share willingly). Other opportunities will come now and again and should be used to help family members contribute their possessions to others.

It is also useful for children to see the actual recipients of their gifts. A drive down to the poorer part of town, a walk down the hallway of a children’s cancer hospital ward, or an article about a neighborhood house fire pinned to the refrigerator all offer opportunities for children to feel compassion and desire to share.

Most children can gain more generous natures when these kinds of opportunities to give personal items away are proffered. Let them keep their bare, one-eyed teddy bear, but encourage them to donate several other stuffed animals that don’t see much use nor get much of their affection. One treasured truck will be worth more to a child, especially when he delivers to another lonely and poorly clad child the fleet of other cars that have long sat idle in his closet.

Children will learn to share if taught to do so after an exemplary example has been set. Whether it is sharing temporarily, sharing by division, or sharing by giving up treasures completely, learning to share molds a child who can love and give generously.

And, yes, your adult child might say to you some day, “Mom, you are always helping someone for free. I just don’t get it.” And you will smile and know they are still learning the skill of sharing and you are still being an effective teacher by your continued example.

2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Help Them Be Successful In School

There is so much parents can do to prepare a nurturing environment and increase their children's excellence in scholastic pursuits, enhance their reading capacities, and promote an atmosphere of life-long learning.


Read to and with Children from an Early Age

Reading to a child from a very young age as part of his daily routine cannot be over-emphasized as an important foundation for success in formal schooling. Parents of a young child should arrange schedules as much as possible to allow for a quiet time each day when reading is done together by parent and child. Yes, for many years you will be doing the reading and rereading of favorite books while the child will mostly be listening, but by this modeling you will establish the habit in the child’s life of stopping, sitting, concentrating, and learning.

You see, a child will learn more from a book he desires to read and retain more of what he does read when he has chosen a book of interest to him. Cultivate the opportunity and capacity to read in your family every day!

Eventually, the children will pick up books on their own and look through them. Finally, they will begin to desire to read on their own. Patiently read to them, encouraging their reading capacity by involvement in simple books, and eventually challenging them to be the main reader of the book. Books should take precedence over TV, movies, videos, and any other kind of “non-participatory” entertainment.

You must read, too, as part of your daily routine, so they see it is a high priority in your life. For mothers this can be difficult with the many projects that must remain temporarily undone in order to read in front of your children, but read you must if you want them to read, too.

This daily reading is continued during their formal schooling years but happens usually after they have arrived home from school. Continue to read a chapter or two of a book of interest to them each afternoon until they refuse to cooperate in their teenage years. Then continue to read to the younger ones when they come home and you will find your teenagers just within ear shot to participate in the latest novel you are exploring as a family.

Again, create a reading love affair in your home to establish the basis for good homework habits, success in school, and a lifetime love of learning.


Create a Functional Home Library

I believe the home environment is enhanced with an open dictionary located under a spot lamp which is easy to turn on in a main area of the home. There should also be sturdy books to chew for the youngest members of the family, treasured books each member of the family owns with their names written in the front and permission to mark in the books when they desire to make notes or underline important paragraphs. There should be books borrowed from libraries, read and returned on a regular basis to fill out your family’s reading experiences to include frequent “field trips” to larger, more expansive libraries in your locality.

You might also consider storing an encyclopedia set near the kitchen table for answering questions and clarifying issues during dinnertime conversations. How much a family can learn with the answers at hand!


Have Homework Standards

When your children begin school, you will need to establish some important daily habits for homework completion. Set up a quiet and secluded place within your ever watchful supervision where children can do their homework.

For instance, have a quiet hour after school when the kitchen table is the “homework” area with the rules of no talking, no face-making, and no silly noises. In other words, there is a serious attempt to keep children focused on their homework.

Or, you might let older children retire to their bedrooms to complete this work. A personal desk in the child’s bedroom is very helpful for homework. With a small overhead book shelf, personal office supplies, and a good lamp, homework time also becomes a time to be alone, think, wonder, and dream (which sometimes isn’t exactly the idea). But if the child is left in his room until the homework is done and can’t do anything until then, he will soon get to the task.

When the homework is complete, check its correctness, and then talk to your child about what has been done right and wrong. After making the necessary corrections to his homework, the child is free to pursue other, more attractive activities.

Have a regular time for homework. Some families let their children play at home for an hour after school gets out and then the family gathers back home for homework. This tends to get out the wiggles, refresh their minds, and make them more likely to get it done expediently.

Other families find that it is better to feed their children a snack, pull out the books, and get the homework done before any friends are allowed into the house or the children are allowed to go out and play.

Motivating with “before…” is an effective technique for seeking cooperation. Children will do little, if anything, without some motivation to keep their energy up through the process of homework. It is helpful to always remind them of something wonderful or interesting that will follow. “We will watch a short video when you are done!” “There is a piece of chocolate cake at dinner tonight for everyone who gets their homework done and corrected before Dad gets home!” “You may have John over when you homework is done!” Set a pattern of homework first and then pleasures afterward.

Some children need more supervision and encouragement than others. Sometimes a child will struggle with a skill long past the normal time for children to be competent at that skill. Patiently work each day with the child, helping her and motivating her with attention and encouragement. It may take longer to get the homework done than usual, but once this child understands, she will turn out to be more competent and skillful than anticipated. Usually, a child will hit her stride and off she will go to become more independent, self-motivating, and creative than you could have ever expected, all because of your continued nurturing and care.

So set a time, find a place, get creative with motivators, and be patient with the “slower” ones. Soon homework routines will become a natural part of your children’s days and they will understand that you mean business when you say it is “homework” time. And, they will be much better students for your diligence.

Every day you help them get through their homework, check it, and then have them correct it, is one day closer to them turning out to be mature, delightful, creative adults who will thank you frequently for being there during this critical time of their lives.


Learn Right the First Time

While there are many opinions about how to initiate teaching with children, especially when there is only one right answer as when learning spelling words or multiplication facts, it is better to tell the right answer upfront than to have the child guess at the answer, get it wrong, and then have to learn it right. Is it just better to teach things the right way first than to have children guess “wrong” and have to learn twice: once to unlearn and the second time to relearn it right.


Memorize for Fun

Many times during a child’s educational experience, memorization will be needed. A parent can help this process along the way by teaching children how to memorize from an early age. It is easiest to start with simple rhymes or songs and then advance to longer and more complex ditties. This process of focusing on memorization can take place while driving in the car, walking to school, and waiting at the doctor’s office. It can be fun, but it will take the creative nurturing of an interested adult.

The adult who teaches a child to say the alphabet backwards, for instance, is not only teaching a valuable skill for filing papers, searching in a dictionary for words, or for other needs, this adult is also having a good time showing a child that memorization is a process of review, try it, review again, try it more, review again, and finally get it.

“Marci, we have to sit in the doctor’s office for about ten more minutes before the doctor will see us. I’m trying to learn the alphabet backwards. Do you want to join me? Let’s write it out so we can have a reference sheet while we learn. What do you think will be the first three letters in a backwards alphabet?”

There is much parents can do to create a rich, full, endearing, and creative atmosphere for their children. Reading every day will lay the foundation, careful monitoring of homework each day, teaching them “right” the first time, and nurturing the memorization process will greatly enhance a child’s formal education and make it fun to learn and be successful in school. “Z, Y, X…here we go on the Backwards Alphabet!”

© 2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com

Better School Morning Routines

So much chaos can happen when school morning routines are established for the first time or are re-established again as school time approaches each year. But chaos is not inevitable. With some simple changes in habits, some additional tools, and a sound system for independent behavior on the part of your children, school mornings can calm down a bit and become an enjoyable, loving time of the day. Here are several ideas for you to consider as you think about improving your own situation. I have indicated the parents’ goal, which is to make mornings easier, then given several possible examples and possible children’s goals. Teaching these new skills will save many a harried mother and hassled, frazzled children trying to get to school on time.

Parent’s goal: Eliminate school morning decisions and confusion


Make It Easier to Get Dressed

Make it easier to get dressed wherever possible. If your children are younger, choose their outfits by the week and put in a closet sweater holder by Monday morning. This is especially useful for children who are tired in the morning or balky about getting ready for school. What to wear has already been decided. It is one less tension in the home. Make up packets to include top, bottom, socks, and possibly underwear. Shoes are kept in one of the lower holders. In colder weather, store coat and winter accessories in bottom holder.

With older children, the same principle applies but with some flexibility. Instead of making up the packets for the week, children with independent capacities can set out what they will wear tomorrow the evening before. Children not so mature can be helped by their parents. Again, the tension of choosing under duress of limited time is eliminated and morning routines are relieved of stress.

Child’s goal: Get up, make your bed, take off your pajamas, put your pajamas away, dress yourself in today’s school clothes, and put on your shoes.


Teach Children to be Independent in the Kitchen

The goal here is to make it easy for children to get their own breakfast and then clean up after themselves. Choose several cold cereals and store them in opaque plastic containers. This makes finding the right cold cereal easier for everyone, especially if the cold cereals are stored at a lower, easy-to-reach location. Parents should have a backup box of all cereals stored up high at all times to save tears because a sibling used up all the cornflakes and there are none left for the later eater.

Teach children to serve and clean up after themselves every morning, including getting their own breakfast cereal, putting their bowl in the dishwasher (which means that the dishwasher must be cleaned out the night before), wiping the table where they sat, and pushing in their chair. Milk should be put away and the cold cereal container returned to its proper place. The principle here is that everyone does a little bit to keep the kitchen orderly.

Child’s goal: No one can tell you were in the kitchen because you cleaned up after yourself after eating breakfast.


Keep School Items Collected in One Place

Confusion is reduced when all items going to school the next day have a “home.” An example is having a labeled plastic container for each child for his or her school needs. When an apple is needed for a science project, put it the plastic container. Permission slips go here, too, as does the backpack, sweater, and books.

Child’s goal: All school needs, including backpack, science project items, and school library books are kept in personal school container. This makes is easy to leave for school each morning.


Make It Easier to Handle School Papers

Of all the challenges of school, handling papers seems to be at the top of most parent’s list. To solve this problem, have labeled letter trays for each member of the family. Homework, tests, and permission slips go in the parent's box for review when the child gets home from school. Dad or Mom’s box is usually the top box. He or she files obsolete paperwork and returns current paperwork to each child’s box for return to their backpacks.

Child’s goal: Put papers needing your parent’s attention in his or her box. They will return them to your box after dinner. The papers are to be retrieved and put in backpack before bedtime.

Because school is soon upon us, look at all your school morning decisions and move them to the night before whenever possible. Look at where confusion reigns and find ways to eliminate or reduce it. There are many ways to improve school morning routines. What will your goals be?

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com