When Responsibilities Become Overwhelming

I received a written note during a recent presentation and would like to address its vital questions just as I did when I answered this inquiry. These questions are pertinent to our own immediate needs, especially during stressful times.

Dear Marie: How do you address a situation where 1) a wife has to work full-time to provide insurance for a sick husband, 2) care for an elderly mother who at 93 has her own emergencies that become your emergencies (because other family members live out of town), 3) teach gospel doctrine, and 4) try to be a mother to eight children and 23 grandchildren. Often there is no time left to “set in order” no matter how you try to “plan and prepare”. Thanks for your time in answering my questions.

My friend, I don’t know all your specific circumstances and surely cannot completely understand your current stresses. I’m assuming your husband is not working outside the home and that you are providing both income and insurance coverage. I’m also assuming your mother lives in her own residence, you contact her each day, and visit her often. I would anticipate you teach Gospel Doctrine each Sunday. I’m also assuming your eight children are all grown, are independent, and live outside your home. From the situation as you have described it and my assumptions, I would like to offer several ideas for your consideration.

1) For our purposes, we will plan on you being away from the home for 50/hours a week working and commuting. Is your husband well enough to do some of the housework, yard work, and laundry while you are gone, in addition to ordering the home each day, cleaning one room a day, and fixing dinner for the both of you before you return home at night? If so, encourage him to carry more of the “home” responsibilities by handling some simple household chores, the laundry, and preparing the evening meals. With his help, make up a simple, two-person master menu to simplify your cooking life (using the example I have posted at www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm).

2) Plan to visit and take care of your mother every other day or approximately three times a week, except in the direst of emergencies. Family members that live out of town can take turns, by the month, calling your mother each day to give her additional attention. So your sister, let’s call her Joan, might be in charge of calling your mom during September and your brother, let’s call him Fred, handles October, and etc. Tell your mom you will call every day but will only plan to visit on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays to take care of her needs.

3) Always plan out your week on paper. Yes, you will make changes as the week progresses and sometimes you will have to junk your plan all together, but it is easier to have a plan and change it than to have no plan and have to come up with one under duress. Having a written plan of your week will also help you wisely balance your decisions when the unexpected comes up, which it always will.

4) Plan an hour preparing your lesson for next week on the afternoon/evening of this Sunday. Pare down a bit what energy you devote to preparation and rely more on competent ward members who attend your class. Pick the eight best students in your class and plan to call on them on a rotating basis every week for the next eight weeks to contribute to the class. For example, you might say as next week’s class begins, “I’ve asked Brother B to give us a summary of today’s reading assignment and make several comments regarding today’s lesson before I begin our discussion.” This will help you get through the particularly tough weeks and still be ready for Sunday’s lesson.

4) Plan to call each of your children on a rotating basis, one child each day of the week and three on the weekend (for example) to see how they are doing. If time is tight, try emailing them instead. In addition, have a master calendar with everyone’s birthdays. If you buy gifts, buy them in bigger shopping trips twice a year, wrap the gifts in bulk, and label to whom they will go. Plan to mail them out on Saturdays, twice a month, far enough in advance to arrive by their respective birthdays. If your husband is well enough, he might take over this addressing and mailing responsibility.

As a last bit of advice, whenever possible, simplify, consolidate, and slow down. Avoid too many other commitments right now as you are full to the brim with familial and church responsibilities. Even as I say this, please but don’t skimp on personal needs, personal primping, and personal renewal. Remember, a fuller well has sweeter water.

May the Lord bless all our efforts to make sense of our current stewardships and find answers to the needs which fill our minds and hearts with worry and weight!

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com