Teaching Sharing Skills to Children

Sharing is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another. We introduce this skill by helping children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and to share by giving away.

Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first we help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.

To teach this skill, we can also casually converse about sharing by using examples from our own lives. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, we might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”

Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of our children, we can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, we model sharing. We share with our spouses, we share with our peers, and we share with our children. It is only then that we can begin to impress the need for sharing upon our children.


Beginning Sharing Skills

When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first give children the opportunity to share when there will be no personal loss.

For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.

Then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.

For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.

Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.

For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.

Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as, “Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?” Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.

Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If they prove to be generous, you might say, “Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.” If they don’t, you could proffer, “Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”


Sharing Temporarily

Young children learn to share their toys, their sand pile, their bath, and their food with others by instruction and repetition. When there is only one toy and two eager children, the initial “your turn” and “his turn” principle can be taught.

“Joshua, there is only one red truck. I can see that both you and Stan want to play with it now and Stan has it in his hand. Here is a blue truck for you to play with now. I’ll set the timer for five minutes and then we will trade. You will get the red truck and Stan will get the blue one for the next five minutes. Fair enough?”


Sharing by Division

Children also need to learn the sharing principle of division. For instance, when food is served, dividing it in two to accommodate both children offers another chance for children to learn that dividing the cookie in half is how the dilemma of two children and one cookie is solved. Parents would do well to talk this through as the cookie is divided and shared.

“Paul, we only have one cookie today and two children. I will let you break it in half and we will let Shaun decide which half he wants for himself. Then, next time we have dessert we will let him divide it in half and you may decide which half you would like.”


Sharing By Giving Away

Another type of sharing is the complete giving up of items that are dearly loved. When you encourage children to let go of some of their excess for the benefit of another child or a worthy purpose you are teaching them the deepest joy of sharing.

There are two regular times to do this, the weekend of Thanksgiving (in preparation for the upcoming holidays) and the week before their birthday (when they will be more likely to share willingly). Other opportunities will come now and again and should be used to help family members contribute their possessions to others.

It is also useful for children to see the actual recipients of their gifts. A drive down to the poorer part of town, a walk down the hallway of a children’s cancer hospital ward, or an article about a neighborhood house fire pinned to the refrigerator all offer opportunities for children to feel compassion and desire to share.

Most children can gain more generous natures when these kinds of opportunities to give personal items away are proffered. Let them keep their bare, one-eyed teddy bear, but encourage them to donate several other stuffed animals that don’t see much use nor get much of their affection. One treasured truck will be worth more to a child, especially when he delivers to another lonely and poorly clad child the fleet of other cars that have long sat idle in his closet.

Children will learn to share if taught to do so after an exemplary example has been set. Whether it is sharing temporarily, sharing by division, or sharing by giving up treasures completely, learning to share molds a child who can love and give generously.

And, yes, your adult child might say to you some day, “Mom, you are always helping someone for free. I just don’t get it.” And you will smile and know they are still learning the skill of sharing and you are still being an effective teacher by your continued example.

2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com