When the Baby Comes

I recently received the following inquiry:

I am a mom of four, with a new baby and I was just wondering if you had any tips to getting back into the groove of keeping my house in order. It seems after each baby I seem to fall back in to clutter and can't jump back into a schedule for a few months. Of course I am spending precious time with the little one, but looking around my house makes me feel overwhelmed knowing that it is going to be a big job getting everything back the way I like it. Do you have any tips so I can continue to snuggle this little bundle and keep my house organized?

May I suggest some valuable tips for this season of life?

1) Most women want to return to "normal" as soon as possible, not realizing that their new situation means that their "old" normal will never be possible because there has been a sweet addition to their home. So instead of trying to return to the "old" normal we must look to what the "new" normal will look like. This principle is also useful to anyone going through a transition in life. There is no returning to the "old" normal, there is only looking towards the "new" normal.

2) Having a baby, caring for the valued bundle properly, and giving him or her the attention needed, plus taking care of your own health, the house, and the rest of the family is totally, overwhelmingly exhausting. As much as possible, for at least three or so months (or about when the baby is sleeping regularly through the night), don’t take anything more on AND limit the amount of energy spent on any previous commitments. The phrase I like is: "50%, I will give just 50% to anything outside my immediate family circle."

3) Learn the beauty of the word "NO", because every time you say no to any and everything outside the absolute necessities, you are saying yes to precious time with the baby, the other family members (who are also getting used to the "new" normal), and yourself. This is the time to center your energies inward.

4) Learn the need to say "YES", because every time you let someone else help you out, you will reap the benefits of peace and capacity. Let others do your normal housekeeping, fold your wash, run your errands, and bring in meals. Say "YES" whenever they offer. Be specific about how you might be helped: "Yes, I could use some milk. Could you buy two gallons and also pick up a bunch of bananas for me?" "Yes, I do have some mending that needs attending to. Can I leave it on the front porch as I’m just off to take a nap while the baby is asleep and the kids are at school?" "Yes, I would love to have you fix dinner for me tonight. Thanks for knowing that two weeks into a baby is the perfect time for an evening without fixing a meal." When you begin to return to regular housework, for the most part ignore any major cleaning, scrubbing, or organizing. Mostly focus on "neating." Remember, that neating up your house makes it look 80% clean. The rest of the needs will wait until your energy returns, the baby begins to sleep regularly, and routines can be restored. I like to focus on the minimum five: laundry, bills, meals, public areas, and bathrooms.

5) Finally, be kind to yourself and go SLOW. If you don’t feel like company yet, ask for a rain check. If you don’t feel like going out yet, suggest another time. If you don’t feel like working, rest. Soon enough your energy and capacity will return. In the meantime, give that baby a kiss for me and remember "50%, I’ll just give 50% until I feel ready to embrace this ‘new’ normal into my life."

©2009 Marie Calder Ricks/www.houseoforder.com